Thank you for holding my hand

Earlier this week I was wheeled into an operating room at Karolinska Hospital to do a cervical conization. A easy peasy procedure that SOOO many women go through, but that doesn’t mean it’s not scary.

While I was lying in bed, waiting for my turn, several women were wheeled past me. And they all had this look of understanding, like they were saying it’s ok to be scared, that they were too. Not every day you feel like you’re in the middle of an episode of Greys Anatomy after all!

I was put to sleep and didn’t feel a thing, but those moments in that operating room, so white that my eyes were hurting, hearing my heart beat on the screen next to me, surrounded by all those faces covered behind masks, having all these wires attached to my body and feeling stuff being injected into my blood stream, not fun to say the least.

Which might have been the reason I completely freaked out when they woke me up. Started hyperventilating and they needed to injected sedatives and get Johan to calm me down and get my pulse back to normal. Funny thing is that I dont remember this. I just remember Johan talking to me, holding my hand and stroking my hair. But they were all so kind, so understanding and gentle.

The unknown is frightening and we are allowed to have negative emotions too, in this positive world of social media, without that making us weak. I therefore want to send TONS OF LOVE to all women out there who have done this. And for talking about it and sharing your stories! That way we are never alone! And my best friend and partner, who holds my hand through every emotion I have in life.

Lots of love from Henriette Sophia 

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